Ripley's Consulting Service
Sage Advice for Discerning Cats Everywhere
Ripley the Cat has been providing expert advice to an exclusive clientele for the previous 4 years. Now, in the trying times of COVID-19, Ripley is available to offer sage wisdom to discerning cats everywhere, and not just at the local groomer's shop.
To contact Ripley, please dial 1.555.867.5309.
CV
Education
Caxford University • Doctorate
Thesis: The Sociological Importance of Sleep and Somnial Events and in Modern Felines, a Logitudinal Study
The University of Catlinburg • Artium Magister
Program of Study: Observation
The University of Purrrdue • Bachelor of Arts
Program of Study: Napping Arts
Professional Experience
Feline Criminal Investigation Service • Senior Field Agent
• Investigated crimes against Felines in service of their species
• Worked in an interdisciplinary team to ensure all cases were stared at in a high-quality manner
• Awarded for dedication to craft by averaging 6 working hours per week
Ripley's Consulting Service • Chief
• Advise clients on best practices for naps, noises, and pets
• Facilitates courses on how to establish ownership of the home, including areas such as reaching surfaces creatively, watching residents in the water closet, and staring at residents
• Offers critical advice on how best to do very little